Do I need grief counselling?
How can you know if you might need counselling after a loss? I’m going to tell you five signs that you might benefit from grief counselling.
When clients first contact me, they are often worried about whether or not they need grief counselling.
They know that bereavement, grief and loss are part of life, and that it is normal to feel sad, confused or angry when you lose someone you love. They may have had other losses that they were able to cope with without counselling.
It’s true, lots of people don’t need or want grief counselling. But for those who do want it, it can be an invaluable source of support that helps to process their grief.
It helps them to live in a way that remembers and honours their loved one without their life being dominated by the pain of grief.
So, what are the five signs you may benefit from grief counselling?
1. You feel as though you want to talk to a professional about your grief
The first thing I always tell people who ask me about whether or not they need grief counselling is the fact that they have contacted me at all is a sign they could benefit from some sessions.
This is because one of the strongest predictors of success in grief therapy is that the client wants professional support.
Friends and family are often the best support when we lose someone we love, but sometimes we feel that we’d also like to talk to someone with professional training.
Trust yourself. If you’re feeling that grief therapy is something you’re interested in, that support is there for you.
2. You are feeling lonely, isolated or alone after a loss
The truth is, not everyone has the support of family and friends after a loss.
This may be because the person they are grieving was their main source of support.
It may be because the circumstance of the death mean their family and friends don’t know about the loss (e.g. the death of a same-sex partner for someone who is not out to family or friends).
Or it may be because those around them don’t recognise the importance of the loss (e.g. the death of a pet, or a non-death loss like a job loss).
When you are feeling isolated or alone in your grief, counselling can be really helpful to give you a place to talk about and be supported in understanding your loss.
3. Your loved one died unexpectedly or violently
If you lose someone in a violent or unexpected way, it can be particularly difficult to process your grief.
When we know someone is going to die soon, we can prepare for the loss. We can say goodbye, we can plan their funeral. These are important rituals and when a death is unexpected, we don’t get the chance to prepare for the grief.
It can be particularly traumatic to experience a violent loss because we can be left feeling unsafe ourselves. We might struggle to make sense of death, and want to try to understand why our loved ones died in this way.
Grief counselling can be helpful to deal with the trauma of losing someone unexpectedly or violently. Its an opportunity to talk about what happened in a safe space and to try to make sense of what you have experienced.
4. Your grief feels the same as immediately after the loss, or is getting worse
There are no timelines in grief. We all experience grief in our own way and in our own time.
That being said, if it’s been more than six months and you are feeling that the grief is just as intense as it was immediately after the loss, or even stronger, it may mean that some counselling could be helpful for you.
I firmly believe that grief doesn’t ever truly leave us, but we do learn to grow around it. But if you’re not feeling even a small bit of that growth and your days are completely dominated by grief, you may feel as though you want to talk to a counsellor.
This goes back to the first point as well, if you’re not sure if your grief is still as intense as it was, but you feel like counselling might help, then that’s reason enough to make an appointment.
Counselling will give you an opportunity to process your grief and find a way to make it part of your life, rather than all of your life.
5. You feel life isn’t worth living without your loved one
Sometimes people who are grieving think about suicide. If you think you may act on thoughts of suicide, please contact 112 or your local emergency services immediately. You can also contact the Samaritans any time, day or night, on 116 123 for support with suicidal thoughts or feelings.
It’s not unusual for grief to make us feel as though life isn’t worth living without our loved one, or to make us wish we had died with them. If you are feeling this way, it’s important to confide in somebody you trust as soon as possible.
Counselling can help you understand these thoughts and to find ways to cope with grief while living a meaningful life.
You don’t have to worry about whether your grief is enough, grief counselling is for anyone that wants support
My hope for you is that you won’t feel alone in your grief. That you will find somewhere your loss will be understood and supported. That you will never be expected to follow someone else’s ideas of what grief should look like. That you will find a way to remember and honour the love that preceded your grief.
If you want to see if grief counselling is for you, you can call me on 089 240 5449 or email me at jennydunnetherapy@gmail.com. I offer a free 15 minute consultation call, where we can discuss whether we might be able to work together in a way you are comfortable with.
